Author: Rox (Page 1 of 2)

Things No One Else Will Tell You Part 3–the Other, Other Sliders

September 6, 2020 /

I am from Northern NJ so of course I have been to White Castle about 4 million times. Like any normal person the only real question I had for many years was, “Is 4 really enough?” But now I know the true question is “What in the hell are these other things on the menu?”

Don’t worry, I have answers. They are terrifying. For this outing I’ve focused only on the the “Other” Sliders. Did you know there were other sliders?

In fairness a lot of these are just variations on the same theme. A Slider and a Slider with Cheese–you all know what cheese is so no one needs to explain the difference there. I also don’t need to explain a “Double”–that just an extra beef patty. But then things go off the rails. Let’s discuss.

Impossible Slider

I did eat one of these, but didn’t get photos. They look fine. Unfortunately they taste like ham you forgot at the back of the fridge for 8 months. But drier. And with the texture of poorly made tofu. Also the smoked cheese kinda smells like smoked plastic. I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t smoked plastic. Grade D-

Fish Slider

I know what fish should taste like.

This tastes like fried clams. Which isn’t that strange really, since fried clams ARE an actual menu item at White Castle.

No, that’s not a joke. A joke would be funny.

Grade C

In case you needed a real world close up

Bacon and Chedder Chicken Slider

I hate to have to be the one to tell you this but bacon cannot save everything.

It certainly could not save this.

Also the chicken tastes of fried clams. The implications of that annoy me.

Grade C- because making chicken taste like clams is NOT OKAY

In case you needed a real world close up

Veggie Slider

This did NOT taste of clams! It also did not taste of anything else. I could see broccoli and carrots in the patty so I believe that they did use vegetables. Sad, sad vegetable plants. Like left over Home Depot plants no one bought.

Clearly they cook them the same way my late mother did–with the intent to beat them into goopy submission.

Also you can see this comes with literally nothing but a bun. So lonely.

Grade F

Even adding the “vegetable” ketchup did not add flavor. I did not finish this slider.

Chicken and Waffle Slider

We’re back to clam flavor again, but now with Maple Syrup! BTW bacon cannot save this either.

Unlike the menu photo this slider doesn’t come with any sauce. I actually think this is a mercy.

If you are still drunk from the night before I guess you could have this for breakfast, but don’t.

Grade B- for the maple.

This one arrives in it’s own shroud

So what’s the takeaway–all of these are DRY. Many of them are fried in the oil they use for the clam strips. I know I keep saying for a burger joint they serve a lot of fishy items.

I just advise people to order four sliders, go for the cheese. If you’re hungry make them doubles. And a sack of fries–they don’t taste like clams.

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Things No One Else Will Tell You Part 2–Not Ice Cream

August 11, 2020 /

I know, I know–the last time I shared an eldritch secret it was about low calorie ice cream too. It’s 90 outside for the 400th day in a row.

I have to confess tonight I had real calorie ice cream, soft serve Bourbon Vanilla Toffee to be exact.

But I really want to talk about this “ice cream.” If you taste it you will 100% know it’s not the Cadillac of Ice Cream but it’s got 2 important things going for it.

  1. They know you’re going to eat the whole pint. They acknowledge that right on the front.
  2. It tastes good. Not a dupe of ice cream but a credible representation for anyone who is watching calories.

Surely you’ve noticed that “Hard” and “Soft” ice cream have different textures. “Light” ice cream tends to have both taste and texture issues.

The Soft

Most of the people in my geographic area have a childhood romance with Mr Softee trucks and the soft -serve ice cream those trucks sell. For many years I could not wrap my head around why anyone would want HARD ice cream. How would you even eat that? BLERGH.

The Hard

But then you get a little older and learn to appreciate the diversity of flavors, and add-ins, available with hard packed ice cream. And the higher fat content that carries more flavor. And it melts much slower. And it can be brought home and tucked away for your 2 am “If no one sees me eat it, it has no calories” adventures.

The Incomprehensible

Then there is the growing category of light ice creams. Some substitute fats for sugar, some omit sugars, some freeze into pint sized hockey pucks (looking at you Halo Top), likely because the lack of emulsifiers. They don’t always feel that good you, for me at least, I can’t get to the taste as I’m already put off.

And Now, The Compromise

Yes, that’s how it’s spelled. I checked. Yes, the apostrophe does go there.

Maybe you miss the creamy texture or the Pied Piper like Mr Softee music. Well, one of those can be bought in your freezer section if you find “churned” ice cream. Churned, like soft-serve, has a lot of air mixed in to halfway to the ice cream of childhood. But those still have a lot of sugar in them.

Nick’s is certainly churned. In fact it’s lighter in texture than soft-serve. It’s also got no “white sugar” in it. Some flavors are keto-friendly.

That’s a lot of gum. And I’m sure some people might not like Erythritol (a sweetner and a thickener) or Xylitol (a sweetener). It makes some people’s tummies unhappy. Meaning you’ll fart and poop like mad. This is PG-13 blog so get over it.

But I like it, and I like I can work it into my calorie budget. If you’re interested, you can get a coupon here (as on this post time). I am NOT an affiliate.

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Edible Secret Pickle War

August 8, 2020 /

Bremerton is a “largest city on the Kitsap Peninsula.” According to Wikipedia on the day this post went up they have a population of 37,000. Um, as a child I lived in a town with 4 times the many people and you could drive from one end to the other in 20 minutes, barring rush hour related traffic.

So it’s really small but thinks it’s big. Like a poorly trained chihuahua.

And like a poorly trained dog there can be arguments over…territory. This has never been more clear than in the tiny section of recipes for pickles. It reads like snotty mean-girls argument. Let’s see that in action shall we?

First Elda presents us with Bread and Butter Pickles and Sweet Dills.

On THE SAME PAGE you’ll find…

Jennie proposes her own Bread and Butter Pickles and Dill Pickles.

Jennie takes the upper hand and rushes in with Never Fail Dills and Sweet Society Chunk Pickles, and Sour Cucumber Pickles. Way to dominate!

Peggy tries to sow her own discord with HER recipe for Dill Pickles but she goes for sheer volume-her recipe is for 12 pounds of cucumbers and a 15 gallon oak barrel. Bold move.

So are you Team Elda or Team Jennie? Maybe you secretly like Peggy.

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And now, new secrets for you…Our Edible Secrets

August 8, 2020 /

The first secret is I have no idea what group decided to produce this book. I only know it was done in Bremerton, Washington in about 1950. I can guess a woman named Grace Hagan was involved and it was certainly done by a professional cookbook printing house.

The first thing in the book is the Miller Reynolds Funeral Home ad. This ad is how I can date the book. They were established in 1928 and this ad states they’ve been in business for 21+ years at the time of printing.

This slim unassuming volume has a lot of ads in it. Including one company you will meet later that through some arcane secret is mentioned again and again in the recipes. There is also an ad for Hagan & Peel Goodyear Tires.

Next you’re greeted with this a quote. You may think our new friend Grace penned this while making her own dill pickles. But it’s not so. It’s a quote from Haryot Holt Cahoon, one of the three founders of The Woman’s Chronicle founded in 1888 in Little Rock, Arkansas, a weekly paper promoting  suffrage.

I found all these bits in the first 3 pages of the cookbook secretly mysterious. Why would Grace imply she wrote this? Why not say what group this was a fundraiser for? Why is half the book a household organizer with a Christmas card mailing list, car maintenance record and phone book? Also do you need a “Game Warden” in your phone book in Bremerton? Maybe that’s the edible part of the secret?

Like a lot of these community cookbooks there is a section on household “facts” about general cooking times and serving sizes. This is the most distressing part of the book….

If you do this to vegetables you deserve scurvy.

Do you SEE THAT SHIT? If you cook asparagus for 20 minutes in boiling water you’d need a crime scene analyst to tell you what they used to be. Even my mother, remembered even now as “Bone Dry Mary” for her talent for turning proteins into building materials never did that.

Just wait till be talk about the recipes.

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Delightful Delicious Desserts: One Last (Great) Recipe

August 6, 2020 /

There are a number of totally solid recipes in this little handmade book. But one last one stands out.

Pecan Blondies with Browned Butter Frosting–submitted by Colleen Dell

1 C White Sugar1/2 C Brown Sugar
1/2 C Butter, softened1 tsp Vanilla
2 Eggs1 1/2 C Flour
1tsp baking powder1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 C Pecans, chopped

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease a 9×13 pan. In large bowl beat sugars and butter until light and fluffy. Add vanilla and eggs; blend well. Add in flour, salt and baking powder. Mix well. Stir in pecans. Spread in greased pan and bake for 23-33 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool completely.

(Note, I would mix the flour, salt and baking powder to their own bowl and wisk for a second to combine before adding to the wet ingredients. It really does allow you to mix the blondie batter for less time. I don’t personally think you need to work the batter that much. No dry spots, of course, but you’re not making seitan.)

For the frosting….

2 Tbsp Butter2 C Powdered Sugar
1/2 tsp Vanilla2-4 Tbsp Milk
Handful of Pecan bits

Heat butter in a medium saucepan over moderate heat until golden brown. Remove from heat. Stir in sugar, vanilla and 2 tbsp of milk. If you want to thin the frosting slowly add the additional milk. Spread over cooled bars and sprinkle with pecan bits.

I mean, what else is there to say? Maybe substitute cream cheese frosting? I girl can dream.

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Delightful Delicious Desserts and More Shenanigans

August 6, 2020 /


I said some nice things about cookies and a lady I never met yesterday. Now I get to show you the real, true, delight in “Delightful Delicious Desserts.” Every community cookbook has a few recipes that make you wonder if this is a cruel joke. The veritable “paper town” of home cooking.

In all honesty I love them more than *normal* recipes. I have 2 treasures and 1 dish that has a crazy name but is basically Methodish Kugel to share with you.

Let’s jump right in with dessert salad. Hey, I didn’t come up with this.

I have found that calling a thing “salad” in a community cookbook is an open invitation from the odd food gods.

And now–Cake?

I don’t see any “cake” here.

I like popcorn and peanuts. And the margarine mixed with marshmellows are the base used for Krispy treats. That part makes sense to me. But someone needs to explain the “salad oil” to me.

This one is THE MOST AMAZING DELIGHT. I leave this to you with minimal commentary.

Basically it’s noodle kugel. I know Bon Appetit is a difficult subject right now but if you visit that page you’ll find a description of Adam Rapoport being all Adam Rapoport about things. Nice time capsule of douche behavior.

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Delightful Delicious Desserts and Mista Low

August 5, 2020 /

From the First United Methodist Church Rapid City, South Dakota. 1991. As the title indicates it’s all about desserts. Flipping through the booklet I found two familiar items jazzed up with cowboys– Cowboy Cookies (Oatmeal Raisin), Colorado Cowboy Cookies (Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Pecan). That’s cute but not what I’m looking for.

This is a chunky little darling of a book. It’s entirely made on a photocopy machine and stapled bound.

The front matter dedicates the book to a parishioner named Armista Low who had passed away after years of volunteer work and baking.

Since her cookies were so famous, according to the dedication, I share them below.

Mista’s Cookies

1 C Veg. Oil1 C Shortening
1 C White Sugar1 C Brown Sugar
1 egg1 tsp Vanilla
3 1/2 C All purpose flour1 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp Cream of Tartar1 tsp Salt
1 1/2 C Rice Krispies1/2 C Slivered Almonds
Geek question–why use Cream of Tartar?

Mix everything. Drop on cookie sheet by the spoonful and flatten slightly. Bake at 350 F for 8-10 minutes

Cream of Tartar (Tartaric Acid) and Baking Soda = Baking Powder so you can substitute BOTH of these items if you use 1 3/4 tsp of Baking Powder.

I’m really fascinated by the Rice Krispies. These cookies seem so *plain* compared to showy recipes but I think I get it. They will be sweet–that’s a good amount of sugar. The leavening agents should make them lighter, a bit crisp. This is not a showy cookie but if the book’s dedication is to be believed they were in high demand with the children of the congregation.

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Things no one else will tell you part 1

August 5, 2020 /

See this…. Don’t do it. I know the box seems friendly but its a trap. A disappointing, cold trap.

The first lick tasted of cool, damp cardboard. I stopped. I Thought about my life decisions up to that point. I took a bite. Slightly better, now it was cool faintly chocolate cardboard.

I got distracted and left the slightly rumpled bar on a plate for about 3 minutes. When I went back the stick had fallen out and there was a bit of soupy, flabby choco melt around the pale “treat.” But it tasted better. Hmm….

So take one of these darlings and place it on the counter still wrapped while you assemble the following items

A blender or a blender bottle and about 8-10 oz of skim milk.

Assemble and do the expected with these 3 items. If you did opt for the blender bottle you should let some melting happen. 5 minutes should do it.

Yeah, you can add sweetener if you like, there bars aren’t sweetened in any discernable way. You could mix in fiber or protein powder. Or you could, ya know, go back the store for Ben & Jerry’s NY Superfudge. I won’t judge you.

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